awkward

its always a bit awkward when someone starts trash talking about something  you’ve done.  especially when they don’t know you’re the person who did that thing.  what do you say?  do you say anything?  do you stick up for your ____________(fill in the blank) or do you just go along with the whole thing.   and how do you know that they DIDN’T know it was you all along?

Dreams

Do you dream?

At night?

During the day?

Do you have A DREAM of who you want to be? 

What you want to DO with your life?

What do you do when someone tells you that you can NEVER BE or DO that?

I once read that if no one chooses you, you should choose yourself. 

But what if after you choose yourself…you’re told you still can’t. 

Do you dream?

Is it Really a SIGN of Friendship?

Sunday I came home to a cryptic message on vm. 

“Hey girl, I have something for you, give me a call when you get home”

Being insanely curious I called her back.

“I have something for you, I’ll have dear son run it on over”

A few minutes what arrives with ds—a big ole ziploc bag of Amish Friendship Bread starter. 

Joy…kinda, sorta, maybe??

I know that Amish Friendship Bread is about sharing with friends, and apparently mostly about a whole bunch of calories packed into a yummy loaf of bread.  However…this is the gift that keeps on giving.

and giving…

and giving…

and giving some more!!  So is a gift that gives perpetually—and requires a perpetual amount of extra work REALLY a gift?  That seems to me sort of like giving a pregnant bunny to a friend because bunnies are sweet and cute and fluffy.  We should be smarter, we SHOULD, but we’re not. 

So I’ve decided to be a TRUE friend today and I’m not giving starter away. 

*ok, I did give one gladware of starter to a gal who popped by this morning and after we were chatting mentioned she’d NEVER had AFB or done the starter thing.  Who am I to withhold this learning experience from her??*

I am making all the bread—4 large loaves and 4 small—and giving them to my friends ready made.  Because I’m that kind of friend,  I understand that gifts shouldn’t come with strings (or extra work) attached. 

Stumped

I’ve been working on a creative project the past few months.  Not really a project, more of trying to have a career path.  There are many outlets I could market these things thru, but for some reason I can’t get into a store!!  I am not saying I’m SUPERFAB or anything like that.  I think I’m pretty average, and I do 95% of the design work.  However…it makes me wonder how some other people made it into stores when their work looks like a pack of highlighters bled in the wash or something.  Not in a good way.  For good visual aesthetics you have incorporate different values into your work—something that even my ‘non-professional’ eyes can tell.  Values meaning light vs.. dark.  And texture is important too!!  How do people get into multiple stores when their work looks like cartoons, bright colored, non real cartoons?  I am completely stumped.

On the upside there are so many talented people out there that I am inspired by—want to be like them when I grow up—if I ever do.  Hopefully I can find my place in the creative world with them. 

WTF?

I have been made aware that my presence in my own home is tedious and annoying—especially when Mr. B is watching football.  Specifically OUR college team.  I thought that becoming football-aware, encouraging him to buy season tickets to our team, and being enthusiastic about our team and wearing my colors was a good thing.  Apparently I was dead WRONG!  My presence in the room while the team is playing is extremely annoying.  I have stopped even trying to cheer for the team b/c I guess 1/2 the time I do I cheer too early w/o noticing a flag has been thrown and the play is not good , etc. 

This hurts, it really does.  I feel like I’ve done everything I can to encourage Mr. B in this ‘hobby’—as he now plays football 1/week with ‘the guys’ and is attending 3 games out of state so far  this season.  Apparently football is NOT something Mr. B is willing to share with me. 

frustration

Have you ever had someone who pursues you relentlessly?  No matter what you do, they have to be part of it? 

I feel almost violated.  I know that when I post things on my family blog that a lot of people can see it—I put it up so family could see what was going on—but does that mean I am accountable to them for anything I post. 

This has become so frustrating that I’m on the verge of tears.  I can’t post anything truthfully or fully because I don’t want to have to answer questions/comments  such as:

*why wasn’t I invited?

*I wish you’d told me you were going to go

and when I do things that these people don’t ‘approve’ of or are jealous that they didn’t go—they act so superior to me and talk down to me like I’m a 2 year old. 

*I wouldn’t want to be part of something like that anyways because I don’t want to lower my standards!

when I say “come with me next time, you’d enjoy it!!”

*oh, I already know what happens

sorry for the rant—its just been extremely frustrating.